i wish August would end faster. i also wish August would move slower. i want it to end, because that means i'd be done and over with the Marketing module, and i want it to move a tad slower so i'd have more time for my assignments. and for some reason i can't wait for raya. not really looking forward to it, but i just want to get there. and suddenly, it feels like there are a gazillion things to do. i'm not just talking about my assignments. it's.. well the preparation for raya, of course. and the money to fork out for, cleaning sprees, fixing my hair.. <-- haha bimbotic much. lol ok be leaving now. bye balls.

eventhough it's only the 19th, i feel like the month is wrapping up already. and i've never felt so restless. two assigments due next week and the week after, and i'm not even halfway through to completing even ONE. Advertising final assignment isn't as stressful as Marketing Overview assignment. i don't know where the hell to begin for that one. jeez.

and my dad's condition now is so not good.. he's back with the hallucinations and i PRAY it won't last over a week like the previous one. eventhough it was Anis our helper, who look after him most of the time, i just can't stop worrying about them. i mean, whenever he hallucinates, it's like he's pumped with energy and he can move around faster than the usual, strong enough to punch someone, even. yes, it's that scary. so i'm just afraid he'd try to get up by himself. although he moves better, he's still not strong enough to stand on his two feet. which means if he tries to get up he'll definitely fall flat.

apart from hurting himself, i'm also worried he'd hurt Anis. especially when no one's at home. it's a good thing i'm not working today and that both of my grandparents are around. not that they can pin my dad down if he ever becomes aggressive, it's just that my family realise that he won't give that much attitude if there are guests at our house. i think my paternal grandma will only stay over for tonight. so tomorrow when she goes home, i leave for school and no one's around, i hope Anis won't have so much difficulty looking after him.

side project for the school is drawing to a close soon. i think. i've already contacted the two vendors and i think Shuyi has chosen the vendor to print the vinyl stickers. idk if i'm happy with the designs i did for the signages to put around the school. it's supposed to be simple, but it looks dead simple, almost boring. nonetheless, i hope once we've put them up, it'd look suuuweeet. but don't take that last sentence as a sign that i'm stress-free about the side project. it's quite a headache. sigh.

another side project which is not school-related, is making me a worrywart. it's not helping that the computer in my room broke down AGAIN, some weeks back and my cousin's been fixing it eversince. so i'm Adobe-less, and THAT in itself is the most unfortunate thing to happen to someone who needs it almost everyday. i'm like a fish out of water. ok that's slightly exaggerating but it's the only thing/phrase i can relate myself with. so now i can't work on that project, but i've handed over the responsibility to my web-designer classmate. he's like The King in our school when it comes to web-design. even the school seeked his help. so yeap, i hope he'll deliver it well. so to the lovely couple at Frrust!: i hope u'd already received my email, and i'll look forward to your reply. an eternity of apology i ask from you. ):

the reprints of my Year 1 FYP are causing slight headache. ok by headache i don't literally mean headache-need-panadol-extra, but just something that can get me all kanchiong. i did some mistakes with the reprinted documents and how i feel like bitchslapping myself then. seriously. i'm not really a perfectionist, but i guess the fact that the school's gonna keep my work and maybe display it, kind of build that pressure up. ah whatever. 90% of them look fine anyway so i'm not gonna let the small flaws a big issue.

well to sum things up, August makes me one fine kanchiong spider. i may appear relax, smiling and all, procrastinating on the assignments.. but i guess as of this week onwards, i'd be a dead duck if i don't progress. god damnit Belle get ur brain working!!!

last but not least, on the emotional side, idk how, or what to feel anymore. it's lost as well. lost in the lalang. but for some reason, as i'm typing this, i feel like i miss something. someone. hmm. maybe the emotion's finally finding its way back home. that's always a good sign. and a good start to end the month.

putting family and friends aside, the worst thing that could happen to me is if my computer die on me. and it did. it won't function properly for two bloody days now. when i turned it on, it would only get to the first stage of the startup and it just got stuck there. as in it won't even move on to the next stage whereby it'll normally show "Windows XP Home Edition" with the loading bar below it. if it won't even pass that then there isn't any chance of it getting to the desktop page. and now i don't have freakin' access to Adobe and life is going to be hell for me. school life that is. ok no screw "school life", really "life" in general, is going to be hell for me since using of Adobe plays a crucial part in my life, considering that i've chosen to get my hands dirty in a career that requires me to use a lot of Adobe. yeah sure i can always get a new comp or a MacBook, but hey it's not like money's gonna rain on me and give me flood like in Ochard Road! (ok that sounds lame but whatever)

the worst part is my teacher wants to see my work TODAY and i haven't got no shit to show her because of the stupid failure! the only solution i can think of right now is to go to school everytime i need to use Adobe buttt for how long must i do that?! omg ugh ok i actually hate to rant my complaints and anger out like this because it seems pointless, like it's not a big deal, but the problem is, it IS a big deal for me! ugh ok whatev i'm gonna stop now, maybe go watch Stefan for awhile (hehe current craze) then try to knock some sense into Compaq. bye.

life has been going fast and fearless. for the past month, it seemed like there are so many things to do; socially and.. staying-at-home-ly. let's see, there was the colourful birthday celebration of Ju and Anizah's (the Zoo peeps) and the lot of us girls ganged up for a surprise treasure hunt cum dare games whereby they were distributed with clue cards created by yours truly (heheheh okeh somebody smack meh), and i really really didn't expect the two of them to really took up the challenge and do all those embarrassing dares! Skinny Lydia was the mastermind behind all of the set-up and the rest of us just did our part for everything else. it was at Marina Barrage, and i swear, at that time, just hanging around at the rooftop can cause some serious skin damage my god.

and while we're on the topic of my Zoorifik mates, Lydia, Apri, Wiwi and i went karaoke a few days before the picnic party.. and i tell you, i am SO not design for karaoke-ing. srsly. but it was fun seeing some two monkeys singing and going nuts over their selected songs. ^^b

the last two weekends of June was simply uh-may-zing! all of my dear beloved cousins from my mom's side managed to get their weekends off from whatever, and cut ourselves some slack for a game of PAINTBALL! it was at JB, and thank goodness Awin's family has a house over there, so we stayed up (almost) the whole night watching A-Team (in Russian), then the A-Team (in Russian) watched us back because apparently all of us dozed off not even halfway through the movie. there were some miscommunications with the organizer about the paintball though, but thankfully it was nothing so majorly over-the-top serious, so everything was settled properly and i swear, all 14 of us just seemed to feel more bonded with each other. proof? all of us started friend-ing each other on FB. ok la maybe that's not a good proof, but i am very sure that we all feel that way. *aww feeling all warm and fuzzy inside*

saw Mae at *scape, celebrated Dad's birthday.. oh and speaking of him, he was admitted again around 3 (or 4?) weeks ago. blood in urine. it was really scary when it first happened at home. things of course got better once he got admitted and he was outta there two weeks later. yes, he's doing fine at home now. and i have to say, it's kind of easier to look after him in the middle of the night now. thankfully he didn't ask to be messaged 24/7 like he used to, which means i could still have some full 2 or 3 hours of sleep. that's not so much, i know, but it definitely beats to be awoken every 10mins everytime when i'm just about to doze off.


as for school (yes, i really can't stop myself from talking about school, geez no life much?) is getting waayyy inresting now. Shuyi's starting to claim back my hours. as in, i'm tied with the scholarship contract blablabla, so i have to contribute my time and effort doing things for the school. something like earning CPA points, in a secondary-school term kind of thing. been assigned to create some signages since the school's still in the process of some "facelift". of course i'm stoked about it. can't wait to execute them all. still, it's really pressurising. and time consuming. and the Marketing module is reeaalllyy not helping. that consumes more time and i haven't start a single nishnash for the project and i have no clue where to start. and i'm telling you, that is my first ever class in CMA that i felt like dozing off.

haha ok then there's Eclipse. i can't really give a bad rating to it (pretty biased actually) coz no matter what, the Twilight Saga has a special spot in me... ok now i sound like crap. =.= but what i mean is, i guess i'm so attached with the book version that i don't want to say the opposite about the movie. i mean, the movie's not at all crappy. just a little draggy and they made it look/sound cheesy in certain scenarios. but i'm fully satisfied with the fighting scene wooo go Team Edward! anticipating much for Breaking Dawn now. most fave sequel amongst all the 4. ^^b

okay, i guess i'm sounding very chirpy and perky and stuff.. probably because of the GST off-set plus my good good pay this month? hehe. it sucks though, that "money" is the reason for me feeling exceptionally happy. and in fact, it's not like i had spent them on anything lyuxurious for myself. it's still the same ol' same ol' junk i splurged on: food. yeaapp. but i guess it's more to the fact that i still have sufficient left which i (so far) managed to save up. and also the fact that June had been really kind to me. July's pretty ok too. let's see, tomorrow after work will be going for Jo Ann's birthday celebration, then the Friday will be meeting my Pinky and.. oh! Radz's birthday! hmmm wonder what's the plan for her..

well, off to burn some peanut butter toast now. will be back.. next month. or sooner? adios amighost.

i'm really going paranoic about this little thing called "money". i can barely survive for the whole month, meaning if i was put in a desperate situation, i have to depend on somebody else for money. namely my mom. do you know how fucking stupid and embarassing that is for me? and i'm beginning to feel pretty useless of myself coz at this stupid age of 22 i have barely a hundred dollars in my bank by the middle of each month. i should've had a full-time job or maybe one that pays more considering my family's financial problems. yet here i am, not doing anything in that department. on top of that, i owe someone three hundred fucking dollars which is like %$#%^&. whatever that means. saving up money is not easy. can take years. how much longer will it take me to have enough for marriage? yes, marriage. fuck you if you're laughing and mocking me about this coz to me, i should have sufficient money to support myself, for wedding, for married life. and for my family too of course. sole purpose of saving money will have to boil down to all that. for my life anyway. even if my husband will be some rich ass bastard i still would like to have my own savings since i dont wish to depend on other people entirely for money. it just doesn't feel right. i hope by tomorrow i'd feel better about this. or maybe i have to wait till weekends when the babyboy books out coz sometimes he has the most comforting words ever. sigh, money makes the world go round huh. money makes my world (and head) spin, is more like it. ugh this is getting more irritating to prolong this talk about money. i better get some rest while the father is getting his. at the moment anyway. and sorry for this whole chunck of pragraph. can't be bothered.

it's nice if:
1. you live 10 mins walk away from your boyfriend's house
2. the two of you are going out for a dinner at a nearby food court
3. he doesn't care how messed up and masai you look (and smell)
4. because the truth is, you haven't bathe since morning

and as it turned out, he too hadn't bathe since the morning he woke up in camp! the best part was we didn't stink. haha. hidop mau pangrok.

well, i'm looking forward to work later! i think the lunch will be pretty good. and my shift ends early. oh and it's pay day! :D hopefully i'd have sufficient left after i pay for my school fee.. although i am expecting some stupid shortage again.. oh well. midnight movie after that. after sooo long!

hmm ok this is funny that just my previous post i was all angsty like Scary Spice and now i'm all bubblegum pop. must be the fact that i'm finally going out later on since yesterday (friday) i ended up staying home celebrating my dad's birthday. anyhoots, till the next post.

a new skin usually sets the mood to get me back into blogging more frequently. but then this is not an entirely new skin, since i created this like.. what, 2 years ago? supposedly i was gonna make this skin for public use. like i put the codes up and you guys can just rip it for your own blog.. provided that all the credits are to stay intact and not modified in any way. but i'm a little to0 lazy to come up with a new one so bahh, might as well just get this one since i've decided not to make this for public use.

anyway lately i just don't feel right at home. idk, most likely coz of my dad, coz everytime it's my turn to look after him in the wee hours of the morning, i just don't have the patience anymore. in short, i was like the daughter escaped from hell.. and i'm more than likely to end up there for real. i hate myself for behaving this way and umpteen times have i told myself to just be patient about this. just take a deep breath if i start to get annoyed and give out a big sigh if it helps. i don't have to say anything more, i don't have to complain or.. well, i just don't have to be verbal. when people are angry they tend to say things they don't mean.

but thankfully even if i did complain a lot, i've always been aware enough as to not say anything utterly mean that i might regret later on. well it's really hard to describe. this whole thing is really bugging me so much. it'll be 2 years coming November that he's like this. 2 years, damnit. and frankly, i'm still having a hard time adapting to this. so hard to accept.

aside from that, i guess it's safe to say i've completed my Year 1. i did my final presentation some Saturdays ago and i was really surprised by the remarks of the 3 panels. they seemed pleased with my work. of course i got some not-so-good feedbacks but they were constructive feedbacks. our results are still not out yet. but i can't wait to get my cert. my diploma. i am soooo gonna make use of that and be successful.

i really think it's high time that i start looking for a permanent full-time job. but then i'll be starting my Year 2 very soon. on the 14th, to be precise. i ever considered of applying as an intern for Juice magazine, since they put up an ad in their May issue looking for a DESIGN INTERN. you have NO idea how stoked i was upon reading that and how i felt like turning on the computer and send them my resume right there and then. but thanks to my cock-up website which has now been taken down due to the cock-up webhost i signed up with, my website is obviously un-viewable. well i've been wanting to revamp my site anyway so even if my previous site was viewable i wasn't gonna send them the link. and even if my site was all perfect and stuff i don't think it's a good idea that i apply for the position.. coz well in case i get the part i don't think i'm able to cope. i mean, i'm given a scholarship for Year 2 and i'm like tied up with a contract. by accepting the scholarship i'm supposed to do any side projects i am given. and there's like a limit to how many hours per month i have to do these side projects which of course, is in conjunction with outside companies.

so if i don't do well for thse side projects i'm actually giving a bad name to the school and myself right? wow this is sounding really serios. and i'm actually very nervous for Year 2. mostly because there'll be a lot of like marketing and advertising stuff.. dry subjects and i don't think i'm cut out for it. oh well. all the more i should set my focus and study well right? right.

so. tgif huh. it's raining cats and dogs now. i wish it wasn't. idk i just quite down right now and the rain is the last thing i need. oh ad it's my dad's birthday today. meh. lazy to stay home and celebrate .

god i'm such a mother_|_er.

harrow peepurr (that's "hello people")! so far things have been pretty productive. and stressful. school wise, i'm left with web-design which i'm sooo not in the mood for, and then in two weeks' time, will be presentation day with Anthon, but just on Powerpoint. which means i don't have to rush to print my work yet. the real presentation day with all my printed mock-ups will be in the following week. so i guess i have ample time for that. the only problem is, the longer i take to print my work, the more likely i am to burn my money on the unnecessary. by "unnecessary", i mean food, impromptu temptations to buy stuff that's non-school related.. like food. heh. speaking of which, i seriously think i eat way way waaayy too much! and the weighing scale was being brutally honest yesterday. :(

so what's been going on recently is that, Dear' now in NS. i'm not sure whether i've mentioned this in my previous post(s) and i'm lazy to open a new window to check, but yes, he's in there, while i'm out here, considerably lucky that i have my school projects to kill the time. AND, speaking of the boyfriend.. HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY DEAREST! his birthday was yesterday actually, on the 8th. meheheh twenty-one already can go Yangtze. k i srsly need to stop this Yangtze thing to the 21 year-olds. haha. but can't help it ah! most prolly because.. i still find it hard to believe that there's such a movie theatre here and their audience are mostly.. kinky seniors? haha.

anyway, his birthday celebration is still unplanned, due to his grandma's sudden rush to the hospital some days back. her condition seems serious, and it creeps me out just hearing what's going on in her body. but she's been transferred to a normal ward, so i hope that's a good sign. anyway our weekends are likely to be spent at the hospital in maybe first half of the day, then after that we'll hit the road to wherever we would plan at the very last minute. standard uh, right.

on a side note, i'm liking the fact that me and the two hot pussies (lol) are bonding lately. yesterday Maii accompanied me to Queensway coz i need to survey for tshirt printing which was such a disappointment. Bras Basah lagi mulia. then did rounds at Ikea with she being like so jakon with the beds and oinching hahaha and we were mused over the f&b outlet. o, and i was so bloody stupid as hell on the way home ah, in the train. it was just so fucking embarrassing i really dont wish to say it here hahaha. long story anyway. and i don't think anybody's reading, so.. haha.

and two weeks before, i think, met up with Radz after school at her work place. and i tell you, her work was like damn lepak lah. sit around, fbooking, movie watching, talk a little bit here and there with the customers, abeh gaji BOM. break one hour tapi if terovershot, tk pasal. that's how i see it anyway. Radz let's trade. :D

moving on, the pay that i got had shurrrtteeddge (that's "shortage"). turns out most of my colleagues had shortage too, so it's really getting on everybody's nerves. i have so much to spend on in this month. sigh. and the worst part is, they gave me off on smoe of my supposed-to-work days. reason being, they need to cut down on labour. wtf ah srsly!

on a side note..

no i didn't edit this. i just find it hilarious with the stomach in chest boobs out hahaha.

and do these kids know just how fucking lucky they are?!?!

well, till my next post.

[+] We Are Parawhores!










credits to Mon for the pictures. more at her Fb.


[+] Liburan Ke Bali






























more of this at my Fb. :)

i seriously hate how i'm ignoring my blog. and i seriously hate (x2) how i say stuff like "i hate ignoring my blog" and i still keep ignoring my blog.

ok Balkeys cut that out, geez.

so first things first, i'm currently at school, in desperate need of the computer/lappy since the computer at home and my sis' laptop crashed. nice timing uh when i'm now rushing to do my major project. idiot. the other week Maii suggested that i use her school comp. so i headed down to Nafa, entered her class that's infected with hilarious bunch of people, and managed to do a decent illustration of a logo. thanks for that impromptu help babe!

right, so 3 days ago, there was a Riot! at the indoor stadium! haha it's Paramore baby and they kickass!! sadly they didn't play My Heart. at least they played Pressure, so i guess that's cool. and they didn't cover much songs from the first album either.. not that i'm complaining, but for the sake of some of us who've been wiating for them to come for like, 5 years since their first album, they ought to, y'know. but still it's really ok, at least they played most of the songs i had hope they would. :D anyway the band sounded just like in their CD, or even better, and i'm pinning my hope on their return when Hayley said they'll be back here in less than 5 years. so i decided to tag along with my sis and her friends, and we were pretty late by the time we got there. while walking to the end of the queue, i bumped into Ayu which i was kind of surprised to see her coz i knew she was supposed to be with Maii and the rest. so we chatted for a bit, then i lost my sis and her friends and so i queued with her instead. we queued for a goddamn 2 hours. it was freaking frustrating la, my poor ass. Ayu was funny when she got hungry. hahaha. that poor boy.

once we got in, the both of us separated as i reunited with my sis and her friends. the crowd was ridiculous, in a bad way. pushing when they dont have to. anyway i find that the opening band Monochrome, was not too bad; although it seemed like many people are against them. well moving on, after Monochrome's set, the sound check for Paramore took like, what, close to 30 mins? my sis' friend Mon, and the rest of them decidedto head out to the back, like out of the crowd where there were space so we all can jump and dance around to. sis and i stuck around in the crowd for a bit, thinking we'd make a move behind the crowd after the first song. but my sis gave that idea up so the two of us headed out and boy, i never regretted that decision still. the view was awesome--though we weren't close to the band--and we definitely did get our own private space. i mean, if we were still in the crowd, we were actually at the quarter back. couldn't see the band AT ALL i swear. so eventhough we were out of the crowd, we could at least see the band and had the helluva fun time, ever. and hence i'd like to take this opportunity to thank my dearest sister Huda for giving me the Paramore tix as my 22nd birthday present! :D

now, putting all the excitement aside, the Dearest had already took off for his NS yesterday. :( gosh, it does feel different. ok he'd actually book out this Friday, so it's actually just 3 days away, right? so it's not much diff since i normally see him on Fridays and weekends before he went for NS. but for some reason, it's just different. it's something i can't actually put my finger to. anyway, he has some doubts.. well i don't. so, you have nothing to be worried about babe. :)

oh yeah, i am soooo happy that i'm done paying for my school fee! come next month's pay, i can use/save my money for the major project and hopefully i have sufficient left to buy some of the necessary things like my compact maybe contacts as well (haha mcm bimbo?) apparels apparels, maybe a pair of high-cuts as well ooohhhh my god step byk duit belen je. but i'm guessing i might prolly rush down to HMV and grab a copy of Artwork by The Used! hahaha of all things. -.-" but frankly, it has never taken me this long whenever their new album came out. the previous album took me like.. at most 2 weeks? oh yah, i should save a lot more than i spend in case anymore bands coming. sigh, Anberlin better get their ass back here quick. but NOT for Baybeats again eh pls.

currently, some part of me wishes time would move slower, so i can have more time to work on my project. but at the same time, i wish it'd move faster so i can graduate, move on to Year 2 or maybe start working full-time. the number's now stagnant at 22, but i'm sure as hell it's not coming down. so i can't waste anymore time. i have a mother who wishes to take the risk and quit her job and rest once i've worked full-time. sigh. i wish i was smarter when i was much younger. maybe when i was still in pri school? then i could've gotten to the Express stream in sec school, be a semi-genius kid who scores A's for her O-level and maybe then i might be eligible to get a scholarship to Nafa/LaSalle and who knows, by now i could have already gotten a full-time job as an editorial designer or an Ar Director? or somewhere within that range. sigh, regrets regrets regrets.