a new skin usually sets the mood to get me back into blogging more frequently. but then this is not an entirely new skin, since i created this like.. what, 2 years ago? supposedly i was gonna make this skin for public use. like i put the codes up and you guys can just rip it for your own blog.. provided that all the credits are to stay intact and not modified in any way. but i'm a little to0 lazy to come up with a new one so bahh, might as well just get this one since i've decided not to make this for public use.

anyway lately i just don't feel right at home. idk, most likely coz of my dad, coz everytime it's my turn to look after him in the wee hours of the morning, i just don't have the patience anymore. in short, i was like the daughter escaped from hell.. and i'm more than likely to end up there for real. i hate myself for behaving this way and umpteen times have i told myself to just be patient about this. just take a deep breath if i start to get annoyed and give out a big sigh if it helps. i don't have to say anything more, i don't have to complain or.. well, i just don't have to be verbal. when people are angry they tend to say things they don't mean.

but thankfully even if i did complain a lot, i've always been aware enough as to not say anything utterly mean that i might regret later on. well it's really hard to describe. this whole thing is really bugging me so much. it'll be 2 years coming November that he's like this. 2 years, damnit. and frankly, i'm still having a hard time adapting to this. so hard to accept.

aside from that, i guess it's safe to say i've completed my Year 1. i did my final presentation some Saturdays ago and i was really surprised by the remarks of the 3 panels. they seemed pleased with my work. of course i got some not-so-good feedbacks but they were constructive feedbacks. our results are still not out yet. but i can't wait to get my cert. my diploma. i am soooo gonna make use of that and be successful.

i really think it's high time that i start looking for a permanent full-time job. but then i'll be starting my Year 2 very soon. on the 14th, to be precise. i ever considered of applying as an intern for Juice magazine, since they put up an ad in their May issue looking for a DESIGN INTERN. you have NO idea how stoked i was upon reading that and how i felt like turning on the computer and send them my resume right there and then. but thanks to my cock-up website which has now been taken down due to the cock-up webhost i signed up with, my website is obviously un-viewable. well i've been wanting to revamp my site anyway so even if my previous site was viewable i wasn't gonna send them the link. and even if my site was all perfect and stuff i don't think it's a good idea that i apply for the position.. coz well in case i get the part i don't think i'm able to cope. i mean, i'm given a scholarship for Year 2 and i'm like tied up with a contract. by accepting the scholarship i'm supposed to do any side projects i am given. and there's like a limit to how many hours per month i have to do these side projects which of course, is in conjunction with outside companies.

so if i don't do well for thse side projects i'm actually giving a bad name to the school and myself right? wow this is sounding really serios. and i'm actually very nervous for Year 2. mostly because there'll be a lot of like marketing and advertising stuff.. dry subjects and i don't think i'm cut out for it. oh well. all the more i should set my focus and study well right? right.

so. tgif huh. it's raining cats and dogs now. i wish it wasn't. idk i just quite down right now and the rain is the last thing i need. oh ad it's my dad's birthday today. meh. lazy to stay home and celebrate .

god i'm such a mother_|_er.