it's going to be the third week of Ramadhan soon, and i still don't feel any happiness like i normally would, let alone the anticipation of Hari Raya. the mood is totally non-existent. i'm still rather excited to make the cookies though, but it's like if we don't make any this year, then it doesn't bother me at all either. god, it seems so terribly wrong now. i thought i'd feel the Hari Raya vibe by now. i'll give myself till the end of this week. if nothing magical or some sorta miracle happens, then that's it. i can predict how my Raya this year will be. oh, i'm pretty psyched for my Raya outfit actually. his mom said it's ready and it's pretty. BUT, after i slapped myself with reality, damn, all the excitement just died. bottomline, i hate how all these makes me, and everyone in this house feels. really, there is no escape to this feeling.

i wish what had happened and what is happening now, didn't.
i wish God will answer my prayers everytime i ask to show the reason behind all these obstacles and challenges in our lives. or maybe i should pray more, skip less. it's all about give and take and being fair anyways.