for the first time eversince my dad has been hospitalised, i reached home a quarter past 3am last Saturday. i should've known better not to, considering my dad's situation and i know mom's gonna be freakin' pissed, and indeed, she was. as soon as i reached home, i was bombarded with her yelling and crying, making me feel more guilty than i initially was.

i believe in "things happen for a reason", and i kind of got the idea that it's because of my behaviour that got my dad to be in the current condition. you know, like that's a message from God to make me realise my mistakes and such. but of course, i never say it to anyone. it's just something i thought to myself and i felt bad about it. but it's not such a big deal.. or maybe it is. either way, that was the kind of confrontation i got from dearest mother and that was all it takes to make me cry. wah emo seh. ahh _|_ you. so her main point was (or so it seemed) that i'm selfish, i guess. of course deep down i don't agree to that. i'm not completely selfish.

until some days ago. there's a person who pointed out exactly what i never thought i am; and a whole lot more. it was like, a repeat of that Saturday night's episode; only worse. but they're right i suppose. the people i should prioritise more on, i tend to put them aside. i know that shouldn't be the way, but somehow it just happened. has anyone ever gone through the same? oh, or maybe i'm taking things for granted. hmm.. yes, i remember being told that.

anyway, life is going downhill from here. i swear. hrmph.

all that aside, school is left with one week. another week of study break before my first exam. just 2 papers, but i bet i'll be going through about 2hours of hell for each one. i'm halfway lost in EMaths; Chapter 4 is a such a motherfucker and the same goes for Engine Fund Functional Blocks. and many many many many many many more urgh can die.

my energy's really running on empty. like seriously uh. take yesterday for instance. Maths quiz started at 9am, and i only bloody woke up at 8.15am lah! best or what. the funny thing was, i din't even remember hearing my alarm went off, nor did i budge when my mom tried to wake me up. i only woke up when i heard my sister's alarm went off. and she was in her room next door! -_-" so i kanchiong spider for awhile and texted Pe'ah to cover for me if the teacher asks. so yeah. i made up for the quiz just today after school and i come to a conclusion that sitting for a make-up quiz alone has its advantage; coz you can actually refer to your notes since the teacher isn't there in the room to invigilate you so you're actually alone! haha. but i din't cheat lah of course. even if the last question was a sudden death. pfft.

alright, i'm off to complete the Web App project.. which actually due today. huhu.