woke up to a bad start, not to mention my previous night ended awfully sour either. as a result, for the first time ever, i don't give a damn shit about the new year celebration, nor am i looking forward to the stupid '09.

the plan today was, after visiting my dad, was to go home, put on a record and turn the volume out loud while doing my Comp Prog. my mom's expected to be spending the night over at her mom's house though, so i'm likely to be alone at home. super. and yes, the plan to spend the last night before the crappy new year comes sure sounds like a bore, but that's exactly what i need. peace and time for myself.

sadly, i can't have that, because i feel bad if i don't stay over at my grandmother's place, since she's been really wanting us to spend the new year celebration here. the reason: her neighbourhood holds a yearly new year celebration directly in front of her flat and Hady Mirza's prolly coming for a song or two -- not that i give damn about it and that's besides the point -- thus, her persistence for us to spend NYE here. i wouldn't have given in though, but considering she's my grandma and.. well, old people tend to take things to heart easily(aka sulk), i couldn't turn her down. well this maternal grandma of mine isn't like that, but you never know, right?

so here i am, in her house i once reside in during my primary school years, on the single bed typing this away. trying to block out the noise outside simply coz i really ain't no mood for all these crap. geez. 2 more hours before all these "party people" countdown to January 1st, with fireworks lighting up the night sky.. oh i can imagine many faces smiling and cheering, welcoming the new year.

but so what?
been there, done that.. except that the company of friends are (i assume) definitely merrier than before.. but then again, the only company i need right now is myself.

ok now i sound like a sore loser. hahaha. -_- dearest friends and the Dear himself are prolly goofing around right now, as usual with their random antics. ha. i wish i could be there, but i'm glad i choose not to coz my heart's not in the right place for a jolly fun time. even if i put on a fake front, i don't think i can hold it long enough.. and it won't be fair for anyone. especially you.

and as much as i hate it, i think it's safe enough for anyone to label me emo just for tonight since every few minutes when my mind starts to wander i feel like crying. ugh how lame. but how true.