& we let our tears escape again
streaming with frust, guilt, & shame
with words leave me alone
written on your face
i shall keep my distance
i shan't spread the pain
am aware of the thorns
that's been hanging by
yet i let 'em be, don't ask why
for the answers aren't clear
so apologies remain
still it doesn't quite matter, it's still the same

when i gave you misery, you gave me kisses
when i gave you happiness, you gave me double
it's hard, it's hard, to see you cry
but baby im sorry;
i let sorrow trail behind


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yesteday was horrible. i was horrible. hell, when was i not? sigh. i think i just did the most ungrateful, unthoughtful thing that there possibly is. whatever it is thats happened, im hating myself now. i never knew i was like this. or.. maybe ive just evolved to something else, something cruel, something mean, a monster you just insist on loving. & from this day on, i know my self-esteem can never be pulled up a notch. it's never even near starting line to begin with.
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coming monday will the final CMOS written exam & i have noooo idea or a gut feeling to the qns that are likely to come out. the following day, we still have to return to school tho, for the presentation of our project. i hope my group's done with everything. have yet to ask lydia abt it.

the last few days, we had a number of tests.. & i guess i did pretty well. haha. now thats a surprise. i aced both my theory & phase (practical) test for CMOS!! both scored above 60 & hell yeah im proud of it. hoho. it's a satisfaction for me, since during secondary school, ive never had grades like that except for MT & sometimes english compo. im tired of seeing my grades going anywhere below 50, so since im now going through a course of my choice, might as well make myself proud for once. but of course, credits to fellow classmates who helped out during some tests. hahaha. the MME test last wednesday was not so bad lah. most of the qns that i studied for fortunately appeared. & tendious busted sam sia. hahaha.

my ear is going frm bad to fucking worse. the infection on my ear lobes are doing well now, no problems abt that.. & now it's whats inside my ears. ok ok, so maybe it's the ear wax stuff but but but it's like theres something else in there. it totally blocked like 45%-65% of my hearing & i hate for the fact that i cant hear much of a thing everytime i lie down. & that made my sleeping hours a fairly torture-able one. every few hours i was woken up by this irritating uncomfort-ness of my ear. thats why im blogging at this hour. if not for my ear problems, you can bet that i'd still be making friends with my bed now. hmm, maybe im going deaf. sigh. or maybe i should avoid hearing vulgarities so my ears wont hurt so much. hahahaha crap.

will prolly go catch a movie with Dear later. we really need to work on something. i mean he'd been stress over we-both-dont-know-what, & he really needs to do something to restrict himself frm having that stress & restless, rimas feeling.

& im sorry if i make you feel worse.

ooh now i finally have the Arctic Monkeys playing in my hi-fi! had sis to buy it since she had to purchase 3 CDs due to some voucher or idk what la at Borders. so yea. funkeh music they got.

off to sarapan.
cheers.



mood worried
music Mardy Bum - Arctic Monkeys