he is now on his way to KL. with his family & another family of his dad's friend. god, im missing him already. ='(

i honestly feel like i dont have anyone else but him. well besides my family of course. maybe because i really dont have anyone else. geez. yesterday after accompanying him to his sec sch to meet his friends & played soccer, we went home in the evening & yeah, it was kinda early to go back home at that time. but he had to start packing. so we hogged on the phone later in the night.

im not sure if last night seemed long or short. maybe a little bit of both. tears were shed, comforted each other with sooting words & whatever it was that could make us feel better.. but the whole process start to repeat. i swear my eyes felt like soggy fishballs gone stale. i hate to hear him cry, i hate to know that he cried. not because he's a guy so he shouldnt cry, coz thats bullshit. but.. it just hurts me to see him in such a state.

he dint want me to go Baybeats, coz he fears for my safety; especially abt getting in the pit. he doesnt want me to get in there & let pervertic random guys taking chances on me, if you get the idea. a promise was made - dont get involve in the mosh, just standing at the back will do; can only go Baybeats if my sis will be going as well; take good care of myself & bear in mind of the things that im supposed & not supposed to do; & to never go BB by myself. -.- he puts his trust on me & im thankful, grateful, of course. yes, some might think he's being over-protective, but he is. he does get jealous pretty easily, even he admits on that one. i cant complain much tho.

oh, he's also worried abt the dream he had the other time. abt me dumping him just like that & went scurrying off with some other guy. thats why he doesnt want me to go Baybeats. hah. but the dream was complete bullshit. if it took me a couple of months to accept him as my boifey, 1 or 2 days of music & fun wont make me ditch him for some fag. he can have my word for it. =]

it's good enough that he understands that i wanna go Baybeats baaadly, & the least i can do is understand him, respect his decisions/reasons as to why he doesnt let me do this & that. i guess im lucky enough to have a bf so concern, & understand me on some of the things i like to do. just a little bit of communication & a large amount of trust on each other to get things going smoothly.

anyway. the crying last night made me feel sleepy at ard 1240am. i dint plan to sleep that early, coz i know he wont be sleeping throughout the night. yeah, he gets restless when he's worried. i dint know saying i love you would hurt so much, especially when you said that before hanging up. & before i knew it, tears gushed out once more. see? i told you the whole process would repeat. it ws almost endless. but we managed to get oursleves parted frm the line, & off to sleep i went. at 1am, he called again. making sure i wasnt crying after we hung up earlier. a few minutes after, he decided to let me sleep. so i did. the number of times we wasted our tears was countless. geez, im such a crybaby when it comes to this.

so they say parting is a sweet sorrow, aye? well at least mine will last for 2 to 3 days. & im hoping it'd be a fast 2 to 3 days. & gosh, if im already this sad that he'll be away for a couple of days, what abt when he goes for NS later? urgh. especially now that my social life is like such a wreck. good grief how i suck at life. i hate to admit that, you know but gah! ahh fuck, somebody rent me a good soul so i can start a good new social life to begin with. ><" Dear left at ard 0630am just now. he text-ed, saying that he's already making a move. so we text-ed each other for a couple of minutes before i continue with my sleep. =[ & ard 9, he called!! =D they were at some food stall having breakfast. & since it was raining this morning, he said he saw a very clear beautiful rainbow! & that reminded him of me. & i was like, "i watched nickelodeon earlier & it was abt rainbow too." lol. such lovely coincedence.

heck, do i look like im too over-rated abt him going away for 3 days? maybe so. but thats really how i feel. this is our first time being parted, like across the causeway away, so yeah. well. i hope i'll manage, & be fine for the weekend. i'll just pray for his safety & their journey there & back home safe & sound. besides, SkaFest is just next weekend on sunday. we'll have our own fun time together then. ^___^

so long now. ♥



mood okay
music Note To Self - From First To Last (ha, he hates this guy's vocals, lol)