music my tummy grumbling
the wait for the O-level result is finally over. but im just unfortunate enough not to be eligible to take any courses at polytechnic. :(
of course i am/was disappointed. though ive been expecting that kind of result. & of course im sad. though ive said this umpteen times that i wont fret if i go to ITE. & i thought i was gonna cry when i received & read my results, but i dint. strange. cos some of my friends cried for joy when they get to go poly. i think i handled my situation well. though i have to admit that my tears were brimming but it's a good thing not a tear dropped. im just tired of crying in public. =/
but anyway, dear came to fetch me from school with rahim. i still manage to control my feelings & crave out smiles & laughter, trying so hard not to think abt my results. honestly speaking, i know i wont let my disappointing result bother me much cos i have to adjust myself to accepting the reality that i'll be going to this institution. but i was just worried abt my mom. she msg-ed me at school, asking abt it. i said i passed but with disappointing grades, cos my teacher said everyone in my class can go poly cos we all have a pink slip. im not sure if she was rest assuring me but it was all bull. i have a pink slip, & so did jeremy, but both of us were only eligible for courses in ite. like WHOA.
so when i got home i showed mom. SIGH. just when i thought i could handle the situation well... she brought things up abt the past, when i always go out & never study.. but heyyy i DID study the hell out of myself. i DID do my revision at home & made sure i get my facts right. i DID put in effort when doing my practices. ive fucking tried my best, ive given all that i've got (credits to The Used lol) but i guess im just not cut out for it. & she doesnt have to rub it in abt how good my cousins did. i mean sure, there's no harm in telling me how they did but i already know they did well, nobody has to tell me that. but it's just that the way my mom said it, it was like a mock.
so i said i'd go ite & take IT course (we'll make web pages yay!) & i'd go ite simei. she wanted me to go bishan
well anyway. yesterday after i had taken a bath, i dint even get out of my room. not even when my sister from johor came. i locked myself in, until she knicked on my door, came in, & we had a chat. which is weird cos shes a malaysian & i barely had any real conversation with her. but it's a good one. she told me to pour out my feelings. & yah, i started to weep. call me a crybaby if you want, but it's just depressing. im not sad/angry at myself for getting to ite, but im sad for my mom. i know how she wanted me to go poly badly, like my sis. im just sorry that i dint meet her target & demand. thats all that i'd been thinking since i got my result. i know shes disapponted & everything, but it's too late to turn back now. so that was what i told my sis. erm from johor sis. she gave me advices & stuff which i really really appreciate. though her kids (my nieces & nephews that is) can be quite a pain, shes really not that bad. i felt better than. :)
& dear gave me encouragement & stuff so it helped. & this morning mom wasnt as worked up as yesterday. i think shes getting the message. & i chose 2 courses: IT &
Integrated Logistics Management. i really hope i'd get my 1st choice (of course). but if i happen to get the 2nd choice, then i hope it'd bring me benefits. they say, the graduates for that course would be in demand, cos a lot of companies & whatnot are expanding so they need people & stuff. well thats what dear told me. he's pretty smart at this kind of things.
getting ready to go out. will have a FREE pizza!
ps: to those who've been encouraging me & making me feel better thriugh tagboard or msgs, thanks. (:
12:55 PM